As a mom sometimes I tell my kids to go do something. Crazy, I know. Sometimes I tell them I will give them a treat, or we will watch a movie when they are done, possibly we will go play afterwards. Other times my mentality is "look, you need to do it because it needs done. I don't need to reward you for doing things that are required for everyday life here." That probably sounds harsh doesn't it. Maybe it is, but I am not handing over a piece of candy every day because you successfully cleaned up the mess that YOU made. ( I can be a cruel, cruel mother.)
For a period of time I was debating about whether it was good to say something like "if you finish unloading the dishwasher you can have a cookie." It sounded a lot like bribery to me. I had a discussion with my wise husband on the subject. He pointed something out to me that has changed my mindset.
A bribe is given when one wants someone else to do an action that is bad, illegal, criminal or immoral. Setting the table for dinner does not fit in any of those categories.
He also pointed out God gives US blessings for being obedient.
Heavenly Father is the perfect parent, the ultimate role model, and he says rewards are good. He offers blessings for paying tithing, remaining chaste, being honest, doing service and being kind. Everything he has asked us to do he affixes a blessing to. Some blessings come in more obvious forms than others, but he is mindful and sends what we need and have earned as he sees fit.
I no longer get caught up in if I am spoiling my children with rewards. Some days they get a treat for good behavior. Other days it may just be a "good job. Thanks for taking care of that for me." Either way I know that blessings are a pattern set by my own Heavenly Father. I am going to try to keep with the tradition.
I like this thought! I had never thought about it this way. But I had thought about the fact that we as adults gets "prizes" for going to work and doing a good job... It is what most people call a paycheck. It puts a whole new perspective on it when you think about it in both ways.
ReplyDeleteI think that teaching children that doing what your supposed to results in good things is probably the most important lesson you can teach them. So many people whine about have less-than-awesome lives, but no one seems to see the correlation between hard work and happiness. So maybe they don't get a cookie for every little thing, but your boss isn't going to give you a dollar every time you use the toilet properly either. Sometimes the reward of doing something is that it's done, and that makes things nice. Looking back, I would have given anything to have chores and an allowance, but I don't think it even takes that much. Your reward chart alone is very impressive. I do like the idea of allowances though, because you can teach them about how much you get to save, how much you spend, and how much goes to the church. They make a fancy shmancy bank with compartments for each. I feel like we've discussed this before, but I'm getting off topic any. You're an awesome Mom, I can only hope to own at parenthood as much as you do. I often tell people what you said about raising kids... "I feel that as a parent, it's my job to teach, not to do."
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