Depression, compassion and hope

I have listened to this talk by Jeffery R. Holland several times now. I have teared up everytime. I have found things in it that touch my heart and comforted my soul. This talk has a strong emphasis on mental illness, particularly depression. I can't claim that I have ever been plagued by depression. However, there is so much to get from this talk no matter if you suffer or someone you know does. I had a terrible time picking out any one particular line because I find the whole thing to be so important and compassionate. Please, please take the time to listen.
You can find the text here.

I wish to speak to those who suffer from some form of mental illness or emotional disorder, whether those afflictions be slight or severe, of brief duration or persistent over a lifetime. We sense the complexity of such matters when we hear professionals speak of neuroses and psychoses, of genetic predispositions and chromosome defects, of bipolarity, paranoia, and schizophrenia. However bewildering this all may be, these afflictions are some of the realities of mortal life, and there should be no more shame in acknowledging them than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor.


He is technically quoting President Monson here but this quote means so much to me. -“That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.”


I did not have the best start to my day this morning. In fact it was pretty awful. There were many tears shed. I then spent a large portion of the day sleeping since the baby finally gave in and slept for several hours.  This quote brought me to tears thanks to my current circumstances-. Fatigue is the common enemy of us all—so slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill. Physicians promise us that if we do not take time to be well, we most assuredly will take time later on to be ill.


I was so moved by his words here.-  I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind. 

She needs a guitar and bigger nipples

Me: Phebe, you look really cute in that outfit. I like your new jeans a lot.
Phebe: Yea, now I need a guitar.
Me: When you wear jeans you need a guitar?
Phebe: Yea, guitars go with jeans.


Few hours later I found her dragging the guitar out of the closet. They match OK?

We had this great conversation while at the Dr's office.

Nurse: Wow! Now you are a big sister. Do you help with the baby? Take care of her? Do you feed your sister?
Phebe, looking at her like she is crazy: No, I don't feed her.
Nurse:  Why don't you help feed the baby?
Phebe, absolutely incredulous : My nipples are too small!

I finally stepped in and informed the nurse I was breastfeeding. The look on her face was pretty priceless.

A look into their world

Let me start by saying my kids are kids. They act like kids. That includes things like hugs and cuddles and cutting things up and writing on walls. It is sweet things like being mom's helper and stuffing leaves in backpacks. Since I am so heavily into the mom world I started reading a bit about them. Here are some books that I would highly recommend if you need to be the caretaker of a child, especially a strong willed child.

This book showed me that I am not actually crazy. It was very comforting.
It explained a lot of things I thought I was imagining while watching my children grow up. This is probably the number one book I would recommend if you are going to study the subject.


 This is also a very good book. It really helped me gain a better grasp on the point of discipline and how to implement it. Great insights into a preschooler's world.

I happen to have a few um... strong willed children that live with me. I love them. I think they are fantastic. Sometimes they drive me crazy. This book was very helpful in understanding the thought processes going on in their heads and how to appropriately respond to them.

I love the concept in this book. I really love the idea of "bringing out the best in your strong willed child". Not beating them into submission. Not burying the passion they posses. Teaching them how to that will correctly.

Very easy book to relate to if you have ever watched a strong willed child.

*update* This is a great book for dealing with children's squabbles. OK, at least it would be if I remembered to use the concepts instead of just losing my temper....

When I do put the ideas into action they do seem effective. Sadly sometimes I am just a bit too emotionally reactive instead of thoughtful. I do strongly recommend this book though.

So those are my reading suggestions thus far about parenting. Not every suggestion in every book works for my kids. As is emphasized in many many books about kids, each kid is different and you have to get to know them. They offer great starting points. I also found these very helpful since the adult brain and the child brain do NOT work in the same way. Understanding the child thought process can shed serious light on the issues. 

Yes, I have read these. Yes, I found them helpful. Please do not get the idea that somehow I have mastered the parenting art. I haven't even come close. The things I have picked up have allowed me go less insane  in this world of ninjas and puppy dogs that is my house. I hope they can help you too. If you have anything you would suggest I would love to hear it in the comments. 

More conversations with Phebini.

Here are a couple of examples of having a conversation with Phebe.

I can't remember what she was upset about but she uninvited us all to her birthday party(again.) She threatens us with that fairly often.
Phebe: well then you can't come to my birthday!
Ethan: then how are you going to get there?
Phebe: I'll drive myself.
Ethan: how? You can't drive.
Phebe: well ok, parents can come- but not kids.
Naomi: that means you can't go either, because you are a kid.
Phebe: no! I'm not! I'm an adult!
Naomi: wait... You are an adult?
Phebe: yes! I am an adult!

They grow up so fast. Not even a full four years old and already a grown up.

I already told you about Phebe deciding to walk to Marie's house. This is the conversation we had at dinner about the incident.

Ethan: Phebe how were you going to get there? You were going to walk?
Phebe: yes, I was going to walk to Marie's house.
E: how? You don't know where it is. What direction is it?
P: Forward.

So sweet

I have a confession that may surprise you.

I don't really like infants that much.

Yes, I have five children ( still getting used to that. It is a bit wierd.)  The baby stage is not my favorite. I was excited about another child, not so much being care taker for someone completely helpless. I find the lack of verbal communication among other limitations babies have very taxing some times.

However, here are some of my favorite things about the extremely young.

I love little baby feet. I love that the skin is so smooth and soft since they don't walk. I love how they curl ther toes around your finger if you press on the ball of their foot.

I love the soft fine hair they have.

I love the new born smell.

I love that Changing a new borns diaper is not a big deal.

I love the bright eyes that peer out at you, soaking life in this world in.

I love, most of the time, that they love being cuddled. That they just crave their care takers touch and
affection. That just holding them can be such an easy fix often.

Along those lines I love that they can sleep nearly anywhere and through everything.

I love that sometimes you can just put them back to sleep by patting on their back.

I love the sweaty little curls my kids have when they wake up from a nap sometimes.

And how they use their little fingers to reflexively grab at things while you feed them.

I love how innocent and peaceful they are while asleep.

However, there are few things I love more, or think is more adorable than a baby frown. No one can frown as well as a baby. I don't like the crying or screaming, but that warning frown is so cute

Trumping a frown though, is a smile or even better a giggle. My goodness, seeing your baby smile at you or listening to that new giggle makes that night I was up until five a.m. worth it.