Boundries

About ever 3 months we go through another cycle around here. The cycle of "what can I get away with now. I know what the rules used to be but do they still apply now?"

Yes, my children. You are still not allowed to climb over the back of the couch or dance on the table. You still have to clean up your own spills, brush your teeth and eat what I serve for dinner.

Yes, my children, you still can't run into the street. Sawing the drawer with the butter knife while you "put away silverware" is still unacceptable. Writting on anything other than approved paper is not allowed. Tackling the infant for an unwanted wrestling game will be stopped.

Back talk and rude tones are unacceptable, even three months later. Temper tantrums will be ignored.That is simply how things work around here. It will continue to be our procedure today, tomorrow, and 8 years from now. You do not need to consistently check to see where the boundaries lie.

But they do. They do need to check. And it isn't just my kids.

Every time I watch my nephew we have a ritual that we must go through. He is 3. The program runs kind of like this.
Me: Hi Mark!
M: Hi!( then he runs in and dumps a bunch of boxes of toys onto the floor.)
Me: You can get out 1 box at a time. Time to clean the other ones up.
M: (blatantly ignores me.)
Me:( taking his hands, using them to pick the toys up and put them back in the box.)

Then for the rest of that visit we get along just fine. I simply have to remind him that, yes you do in fact have to listen to the words I am saying to you. Once the behavior I expect from him is established we can have a fun visit.

Next example- ( I know you are sitting there begging for my observations.)

I have babysat a young man, 8 years of age, twice recently. He is a very well behaved child. Also quite intelligent. I say intelligent in the " can see how the world works" kind of way. So when he comes over he is quite kind for a while, then the complaining begins. Yesterday's conversation went vaguely like this.

Him: (some rude comment about how he doesn't like what is going on.)
Me: (rude remark about how I don't care if he likes what is going on.)
Him: Well if you say one more rude thing to me I am going in the house rules or no.
Me: (Ignore.)
A while later....
Him (obnoxious comment about wanting to go in the house.)
Me: (blatantly ignoring.)
Few more minutes...
Him: (pretends to be in a good mood and discuss some other subject.)
Me: (Play along and be just as polite and good spirited.)
Him: Did you hear what I said earlier?
Me: Yes.
Him: ( suddenly realizing I simply ignore him when he is being rude.He then walks away.)
A moment later...
Him: (in the most polite and pleasantly tone you could imagine...) I was wondering if maybe you could help me to understand the reason why you have made that decision the way you did.
Me: Absolutely.( Then we go into a discussion of the situation and how we are going to handle it.)

From that moment on we had a great visit.

My point here is that if I want things to go well in my house I have to be willing to tell them where the line is. Any step past that line is unacceptable behavior in my home. My kids aren't allowed to act in specific ways, kids who visit aren't allowed to act that way either. Now if only my kids would REMEBER the boundaries and stick within them from month to month.