Well my faithful audience, today's topic is.... Sharing.
Exciting, I know. Sharing can be so rewarding. It can make life so much richer. It strengthens the relationships you have with those around you. Sharing is a wonderful thing.
But what if you are the third child in a family with four children and just received a super awesome noisy play gun for your birthday? It is cool to have something other people want. Maybe you are super awesome and want to allow everyone the chance to enjoy the awesomeness.
Or maybe you don't. Maybe you don't want to hand over your brand new toy. Does that make you a bad kid? Does that make you selfish and greedy?
Do we as adults get toys that we don't want to share sometimes? Do you let any person who stops by use all your fabulous gadgets or collectibles?
Possibly it is simply my little corner of the world, maybe it is in your area too. I see people force children into "sharing". A new friend comes to visit and suddenly it is mandatory to hand over your most prized possessions to this foreigner. Even at the mall I see it over and over again. A child playing on the little motorcycle. Here comes a different child who is drawn to the fantastic potential this toy contains. The mother of the child on the motorcycle suddenly declares that he must "share". Meaning - any kid who shows any interest in this toy gets to have first claim over you.
How would you feel? Let me just say that if I were a child who was having my favorite things handed over in the name of "sharing" without my consent, "sharing" would become a less than desirable thing.
So you probably have decided that you will never bring your children to my house because they won't be able to play with anything.Her children must be so selfish. Honestly, I have had very little problem with other children coming into my home and being unable to find things to play with. True, there are a few toys that are not up for general child entertainment. I will gladly enlighten you about how I handle these important lessons in my home.
I feel as though espousing the virtues of sharing and then allowing the child to share at their own rate is much better. I have seen sharing become something that creates resentment. That makes me sad when I see a child who is so wrapped up in "stuff" that he can't enjoy the fun of working with or next to someone. For those few toys which are particularly treasured, they are placed in the bedroom while we have visitors just to avoid the contention. Yes, it is your toy and no you don't have to share it. But if you don't desire to share it go put it away where they won't want it.
Some of the toys around here are simply considered "family" toys. They do not belong to anyone in particular and unless you had it in your hand it is up for grabs. I do not ascribe to the philosophy that a guest should be able to take any toy or play with anything they want just because they want to. If one of my children has it you can ask if they will give it to you, attempt a trade, or simply wait until they are finished with the item. This may sound harsh, but it also works if the guest had the item first. My children are just as likely to have to wait as a visitor.
Every family has a different set of personalities. This is what works in my home. You may have to adapt for your families needs. However I would like to add a note here-
Why do you as an adult get to have special things that are not for others to touch or play with if children aren't allowed to have things they don't want to share? If everything is simply common property why isn't your jewelry up for grabs? Everyone should be able to have a special place where they can put things that matter to them and not have to share it.
Hording could be a side effect, I have watched it. However once you spend the time to sit down, playing beside them, talking about how fun it is to share and how glad you are they are sharing with you- it isn't nearly as common as you might suppose.
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