Perfection

Today I was listening to this talk by Elder Jeffery R. Holland, one of the twelve apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It touched my heart so deeply. I wanted to share it with you. I find it so uplifting and inspiring.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

"May I remind all of us that we live in a fallen world and for now we are a fallen people.... As President Russell M. Nelson has taught, here in mortality perfection is still “pending.”'


 "In any case, I am grateful to know that in spite of my imperfections, at least God is perfect—that at least He is, for example, able to love His enemies, because too often, due to the “natural man”⁶ and woman in us, you and I are sometimes that enemy. How grateful I am that at least God can bless those who despitefully use Him because, without wanting or intending to do so, we all despitefully use Him sometimes. I am grateful that God is merciful and a peacemaker because I need mercy and the world needs peace. "

“Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him … ,” Moroni pleads. “Love God with all your might, mind and strength, then … by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ.”⁹ Our only hope for true perfection is in receiving it as a gift from heaven—we can’t “earn” it. Thus, the grace of Christ offers us not only salvation from sorrow and sin and death but also salvation from our own persistent self-criticism."


"Brothers and sisters, every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living. If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we are not hypocrites; we are human."

Please take time to listen to his take on the parable of the forgiven talents. I had never before fully comprehended the significance of that story.

Also, if you are unfamiliar with the song "I'm trying to be like Jesus", here is a link. When I am at church on Sunday surrounded by a room full of sweet children singing this song, I can't help but tear up. I love the message so much.

                                      

                                        

The Blessing and Curse of Raising Intelligent Children

(Today's blog entry is a college assignment written by my husband, Ethan. )       

            What does one do with a sugared-up toddler after returning home from a Halloween party? Ideally, it is put to bed after a bit more hassle than usual and a little later than normal. Sometimes, parents believe they succeed in putting a child to bed but the lack of interruption merely means that the trouble has found a different target. Raising intelligent children is both a blessing and a curse.

            We returned home from a Trunk or Treat at church, where instead of decorating one’s house and having neighborhood people come expecting candy, one drives to the church building, decorates the trunk, and have slightly different people come expecting candy. The children were allowed time to perform their candy ritual. In it, the kids dump all of their candy together and then divvy it up making trades for things they like with things they dislike. After the sorting ritual comes the ingesting ritual, followed by the hyper ritual, which is, in turn, followed by the stealing and fighting ritual. Paralleling the completion of these youthful rites are the parents’ rituals of begging, thanking, ingesting, and then yelling at everyone to brush their teeth and get into bed. Once the family observed these sacrosanct candy ordinances, the parents looked forward to some adult time.

Eager to reclaim a portion of the day for ourselves, our frustration mounted through repeated interruptions.  We felt that the children had their fun and the time was now ours, having already put the toddler to bed a number of times. Overhead footsteps raced between bedroom and bathroom. Father yelled to the second floor that it was bedtime, so children should be in bed. Mother visited one room to provide more reading materials. Such was the experience as we sat down for a movie. The youngest child, a toddler at the time, continued to slink down the stairs to the landing, which forced us to pause the show each time and reacquaint her with her bed. A movie of two hours could have lasted three hours at that pace. However, after a period of uninterrupted viewing and not having heard anything from the toddler in a while, we settled into childfree mode. Little did we know, we had simply diverted the youngest child’s attention, and a completely new scenario was just waiting to pounce on our beautiful moment. The dam broke when the toddler clomped down the stairs and said, “You has canny? You has chokkit?” The specificity of the greeting both galled and surprised us at the same time. Had we not allowed time for eating candy before bed? What would ever possess this child to come downstairs, hours after we put her to bed, to request more sweets? We resigned ourselves to our fate and entertained the interloper until we successfully reinserted it into its nighttime habitat.

The next day we learned the rest of the story. As everyone prepared for church, we related to the children the sad but humorous tale of our candy-seeking invader. We recounted the cute but oddly specific introduction, “You has canny? You has chokkit?” of the previous night.

To our astonishment, the oldest child said, “I know, I told her you guys had candy and chocolate for her.” I locked eyes with my wife. A pregnant pause hung while we fought down our desire to strangle him. Through clenched teeth, we pressed for why he would say such a thing. The oldest child rejoined with his harrowing assault by a relentless toddler. After mom and dad made continued forays to the down stairs undesirable, the youngest child found a new, more pliable target. As he lay in bed trying to sleep, the toddler climbed on and smacked him, pulled his hair, and urged him to get back out of bed. The prior evening, while the adults enjoyed a sweet interlude, our oldest child benignly absorbed his sibling’s onslaught. Out of desperation, he finally asked his attacker if she wanted some treats. When she responded in the affirmative, he informed the toddler that, downstairs mom and dad had candy and chocolate. The ruse worked, and the aggressive indigent once again descended the stairs, finally allowing him to sleep.

             The trick with trying to raise intelligent, adaptable children is eventually they will become intelligent and adaptable. Throwing parents under the bus is definitely on the radar when a prowling toddler with a sugar rush is involved. As adults, we were displeased with the interruptions during what we considered ‘our time.’ As parents, we were forced to laugh and admire the ingenuity of our child.

Here I Sit

Here I sit.

There is a lovely breeze blowing. Cars are driving by. People with their dogs of their children saunter past. My children are playing video games or "doing dishes".

I am taking a break. Just a few minutes. Just thinking about my world. My world that is so different now compared to a year ago.

We went from a very standard regular job of 15 years to unemployment. We have had to come up with a plan. A new plan that is going to take a long time to accomplish.

Ethan is going to go to college and become a therapist. That is going to take at least 8 years.

8 years of schooling.

So we got him enrolled in school. He just started this week. He also started a new job. A job that will keep him out till midnight 4 nights a week, but will allow time for school.

Right before school started the car that had taken Ethan to and from work for years died. Right here in our driveway. The timing belt decided it had done its job and was no longer needed. It destroyed the engine on its way out.

In one of many, many little miracles Ethan's co worker was able to take him to and from work today. How grateful I am for that. I am grateful because when I later when to move the van for an errand, I realized we had a flat tire. A flat tire that stranded us at home, not at the store or on the side of the road.

I am grateful that we have had this experience. To grow, to learn, to see God's hand in our lives, to see the out pouring of generosity of so many named and unnamed helpers. We aren't done, honestly, we have just barely started on this new stage of life.

So here I sit wishing I was strong enough to get the lug nuts off of that tire so I could brag about it. But I'm not. (And yes, I tried jumping on the tire iron. I also tried WD-40. )

Sitting here thinking of how good life really is. Even when it seems like everything is attempting to flip upside down. It is still good.

Good Bye

When my sister and I were young children my grandpa had a friend who built doll houses. He made several doll houses for his loved ones. Then he helped my grandpa build a doll house for my sister and me.

One day we went down to his house to visit. I was probably between 8 and 10 years old, my sister two years younger than I. He unveiled his master piece. It was an amazing  yellow 3 story house with black shutters. The front opened, the back opened, the attic opened. The windows and doors moved. It was wired for electricity. It seriously had little lights you could turn on. It even had a tiny little fire place that would flicker. He and his friend wallpapered each room. There were tiny wooden floor boards. The front door had a stained glass window.

It was truly a labor of love.

Because it was such a delicate labor of love and I, being only 10 years old and the eldest of 4 children, my grandmother became steward of the house.

It was decided that due to space and the fact that you can't really trust a bunch of children with something so easy to destroy it would stay at my grandparents house until we were older.

My grandmother loved that house greatly. She went to great effort to make sure it was furnished. She decorated it for Christmas. Putting tiny wreathes in the windows, a Christmas tree in the living room as the seasons changed. She arranged the people in different positions for when we came to visit. She would proudly show us what she had done.

Ya know, what she had done with my toy....

There was to be no touching. You could look, maybe if you were really well behaved they might open the doors to show you, but don't even think about opening it yourself.

When I was in the Jr. High School my grandmother died.  My grandpa decided he would be dying soon also ( fortunately it took him 12 more years to do that.) So he cleared everything he could think of from his house.

So the doll house was moved to my parents house. After all, we were old enough to take care of it now right?

Sadly, also old enough to not really care all that much about it.
There is such a tiny window of when children will lovingly and carefully play with something like that vs either destroying or being uninterested.

The house stayed at my mom's.  Occasionally we would show a visitor, maybe play with it when a friend game over. It was special and important to me, but really only in a superficial way. "See how much my grandpa loved me? He made this really impressive doll house for me."

Eventually my mom decided it was maybe time for it to actually get played with and it was moved to my house. So it came to live here.

My kids loved it. Sometimes. They would go through spurts of caring and playing with it, nearly always when friends had come to play. Ruby played with it most consistently. She tended to horde things inside. Missing a hair brush? Check the doll house. Where is your pen? Did you look in the doll house?

Mostly it sat there. Getting dusty. Getting broken. There was no way to put it away and take it out as the occasion called for. Small children are hard on things. Snap, there goes a porch support beam. Snap, there goes the railing. Humidity had bubbled some of the flooring up and how satisfying it must be to peel them up when mom isn't looking. Or to use it as a practice writing surface because mom never climbs behind to see.

So I had a doll house. What was once a magnificent doll house,a house that was a gift of love. That house was now being torn apart.

There goes another shingle.

I went to an event at my church where we discussed getting our houses in order. Getting rid of the things that we don't need. The extra. I went home and pondered over the whole message. I realized that doll house didn't bring me joy. It was supposed to, it used to. But now it brought me only guilt and irritation. I felt guilty at how much damage it had sustained under my watch. It irritated me to watch how thoughtlessly children played with it even when I tried to show them how to care for it. And it just took up SO MUCH SPACE.

I realized that I loved the idea of the doll house, but not the house itself. I love that my grandpa loved me enough to put in hour after hour of work to present such a wonderful gift. I loved that it reminded me of him. But I didn't love the physical object.

After talking it over with my sister we came up with a plan.

There is a really amazing woman who goes to my church who LOVES doll houses. Who delights in restoring them. Who had been to my house and spent much time admiring that doll house.

So today my doll house went to a home where it will be loved. It will be cared for. It will be restored.

My heart feels so much lighter as I sit and type with a view of where the doll house once stood. The house my grandpa built to bring me joy is now bringing joy to someone else.

Worth noting (at least to me.)

Here are some quotes from happenings around my house in the last 24 hours.

While sitting in the kitchen talking the 6 year old decided she was finished with the conversation. She  then rushed over to me, pulled both sides of my sweater together and announced "Mom, no one should be able to see your nipple crack!" Then she left the room.

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Speaking to the 2 year old-

 

Me: And today we are going to go to the dentist.

2 Y.O.: Why?

Me: So he can clean my teeth and make sure there are no cavities.

2 Y.O. : Cavities?

Me: Yes, cavities. I hope I don't have any.

2 Y.O.: I have cavities. I have a cavity for you. I got one for you.

 

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While cooking some scrambled eggs for breakfast the baby started fussing.

 

Me: Why don't you go give the baby her binky?

2 Y.O: NO, I'll just hit this button.

Me: That button will give her her binky?

2 Y.O.: Yes. Then she will stop crying. (Hand poised over imaginary button.)

Me: (Spoken with great suspense.)OK, I'm ready. Hit that button.

2 Y.O. (Slams finger down on imaginary button and stares at me.)

Me: (Listening to baby cry in background.) Did it work?

2 Y.O. : .... Um... a little?





New arrival and the after math

I am pleased to announce that our new baby has arrived. Her name is Zipporah Miriam and she was 8 lbs 3 oz, 20 inches long.

Despite the silly Dr telling me she would be here on Nov 14th, my assurances to the Dr that she would not be hereby that date, and my announcing to everyone else that it would be Thanksgiving before we would have the honor of meeting her- she was born on the 19th. Now some of you may think "oh man, 5 days over due." I say "Woohoo! Only 5 days over due!" Seeing as all of my children have been 8 days  or more over unless induced, it was shocking to me how early she came.

For those of you who care about actual labor and delivery details here we go-
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Tuesday morning I started showing signs of actual labor. I figured by Wed morning I would be holding a sweet little baby. Hey, that is how it worked for Ruby. So my mom spent the night. And by morning we all got up and went through the same routine. Contractions had woken me occasionally during the night but that was it.

I spent all day Tuesday doing nothing. Seriously, it was like I couldn't think of anything purposeful to accomplish, plus I was having really painful contractions that were impressively erratic. So I napped on the couch while everyone was at school and my mom took the toddler.

My mom spent the night AGAIN Wed. Finally around 1 am the contractions were painful enough and frequent enough that sleep was simply no longer an option. Around 3 am I woke Ethan and we walked to the hospital. Yes, I said walk. It isn't very far and the weather was quite nice. Plus it was good for labor.

Got in around 3:30 am. Got an epidural. I always have this silly idea I will tough it out and then be so far along we can just skip to actual delivery. Never works. I feel like I am going to die and then just get the epidural so I don't die. You women out there that have several children with out an epidural are like super heroes. I am simply not that tough.

Sadly contractions stopped almost as soon as the epidural kicked in. So they put me on a low dose of Pitocin. Not ideal, but at least I wasn't completely induced.  at about 6:45 am it was time to push. I was holding a baby at 6:52.  I was astounded at how fast I was suddenly holding a baby. I approve.

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Now to non delivery details-

I am really truly grateful for the wonderful capable husband. I am glad that he can keep things running while I am down and out. And that he has been able to stay home with us for a nice long time.

I am grateful for the various relatives that have stepped in to fill gaps. It really helps,


Her name. It is a bit unique. I admit it. Zipporah is the name of the woman Moses married. Study up on her. She was amazing. She was a woman who really stepped up when she needed to. Miriam is the name I had wanted originally, but got switched to the middle. Yes, she also happens to be Moses's sister.

(We did come across the name Sapphira in the bible. I was kind of tempted. Naomi made a good case for it. However, then we actually studied her story and decided Zipporah was a better namesake. Seriously, go look up Sapphira. Kinda crazy.)

Victor loves her and enjoys sniffing her. Naomi is being impressively motherly. Caleb thinks Zipporah is super neat and loves holding her. Phebe thinks the idea of the baby is neat but doesn't interact with her all that much.

Ruby was the one who I suspected would struggle most. She definitely has had the most radical change in behavior. Not horribly but you can tell her world has been rocked. She loves this baby though. LOVES her. So much tender caressing. So much announcing of love. Funny note though, before Zipporah's birth when asked what the baby's name was she would say "Happy". Even now, she frequently tells you the baby's name is "Happy". I am ok with that. It makes me smile.

It feels a bit surreal that I am a mother of 6. I only ever pictured myself with 4 children. But I have simply been extra blessed. I have a great family. That too makes me smile.

Keep Trying

This evening I was studying a conference address from April 2015. I remember thinking it was a pretty awesome talk. I was even more struck by it this evening. Maybe because I constantly feel like I am falling short somewhere. I find " Latter-day Saints keep trying" by Elder Renlund to be incredibly comforting, insightful and uplifting. I highly encourage you, even if you are not of the LDS faith, to listen to the message in this video.

I absolutely love the concept in this quote.:
For us, because of the Atonement of Christ and our repentance, we can look at our past deeds and say, “’Twas I; but ’tis not I.” No matter how wicked, we can say, “That’s who I was. But that past wicked self is no longer who I am.”
I love that you can accept the past, accept responsibility and acknowledge past events, but not be defined by them.


And what a simply beautiful promise here:
President Thomas S. Monson has taught, “One of God’s greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final.”
No failure need ever be final. I need to just chant that over and over in my head. No failure ever need be final.

I love this talk. I will be coming back to it again.

I Love to see the Temple, and My Family, and Twirly Skirts

This was a pretty busy and fantastic weekend. Ethan and I had the opportunity to be present when one of my many fabulous cousins was married in the Indianapolis, Indiana temple.

 It is so pretty.

So was the bride. 

The groom got to be handsome instead.

Anyway, this was one of those events that made me really appreciate how cool my extended family is and how grateful I am that we can be together forever. 

Here are some of my personal highlights of the whole weekend-

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While setting up for the reception my kids got to hang out with cool older cousins. Evan and Alex both play guitar and found a room to hold their band practice. While Ethan and I helped set up decorations the kids joined that band. Xylophones and tambourines and happy singing accompanied the guitarists. They had lots of fun and learned important songs like  Weird Al's "This Here Anakin Guy." 

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During set up Ethan suggested that we do a bit of rearranging the props that were already there. I agreed with him. The problem was that there were pretty twinkle lights involved and not long enough extension chords to make the move. As we discussed the concept in walked my aunt. I asked her if she had any extension chords in her van. As I fully expected she said no, because honestly, who keeps extra extension chords in their vehicle? She then checked the custodial closet and came up empty handed. Not a big deal. It wasn't as if we NEEDED to rearrange. It would just look a bit nicer. We continued with decorating. 20 minutes later my aunt presented the needed chords. So the rearranging was put into action. While she helped me tape the chords down I asked her where she had found them. Apparently she had simply walked across the street to a random neighbor who was outside smoking a cigarette and asked him if he had some extension chords she could borrow. I want you to understand that this woman doesn't even live in this state. But he said yes, and she solved our problem. I truly admire not only her ability to just get stuff done, but the fact that she didn't even mention how she had gotten it done until specifically asked. I need to be a better problem solver. 

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During the reception my uncle sang a song accompanied by the guitarist portions of the earlier mentioned band. It was Turn Around my Harry Belefonte. In the background mostly little girls, and mostly his daughters and granddaughters took turns walking across the stage wearing white dresses that twirled glamorously. After the song, Phebe and Naomi wore them and spun and spun. In fact Phebe wore that dress the rest of the evening. 

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The large group of young children realized the stage would be an awesome place to show off their dance moves and also realized that they could reach the light switches. So it looked like of like a rave was happening on stage. Children dancing their heart out, Phebe front and center in her twirly dress, and the lights switching constantly . Red, blue, yellow, off, white, green, blue, on and on. 

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Ruby took a bit to get into the dancing as there was a bit of a sensory overload. She decided after a while that this was indeed a place of fun dancing until a fateful moment. The bride had specifically picked a song to dance with all her beloved nieces and nephews and random small children. It was the Hokey Pokey. Ruby took a moment to listen to the music and then folded her arms and walked away with a look of supreme disgust on her face. How utterly degrading. She would look over her shoulder at the group of happy dancers as she walked away from such a humiliating song.

It was hilarious. 

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I love my family. They are fun and entertaining and I am so glad my kids had a chance to just hang out with them. 

Letting go

So yesterday I learned a lesson. Maybe I internalized a lesson.

We were asked to watch 3 dogs for someone while they were on a trip. No problem. The children were given very explicit directions to do everything they could to prevent one particular dog from escaping. I helped one child in the house while two others were out taking care of the dogs in the kennel, which they had done 6 times without incident. When I walked out I was greeted by " MOM! MOM! She is getting away! She is running down the street!"

Seriously? It was caged! You were warned over and over again not to let her out! Grumble grumble. 

Let me set the stage for you here. There is a hound dog running down the street. There are 3 children, one bare foot, chasing after. We have the ultra friendly well behaved dog who thinks this is a grand adventure tagging along. And then we have me, 6 months pregnant, attempting to chase down the dog. It was 90 degrees.

I was not pleased. "How hard was it to keep the dog in the cage? You knew she would be hard to catch. You were warned multiple times. " All of this running through my head. But the thought also came to me " You need to say a prayer if this is going to end well and soon."

But I can't pray for help while I rant about my children. I had to choose. I don't know about you, but on occasion I kind of enjoy something to be upset over ( this is not my finest quality).  But being angry does not bring the dog back faster. Giving it up, and just saying a prayer does.

So I let go of my nasty thoughts, said a prayer, and  captured a dog. Within less then ten minutes the whole thing was over.

I can not get the help I need if I am using up my thought space on other, particularly unkind or impatient thoughts.

I am grateful I had the opportunity to have that lesson reemphasized to me.

A Heartbeat

I recently went to the Dr's office. It was a bit of an over due appointment. I had been putting it off since I knew what they were going to say. I have been through these same boring steps so many times. Let's measure this, ask these questions, take a test. Yup, everything looks good. Just like I had been expecting. 

But then came the moment I knew would come. It always comes. Somehow I had kind of forgotten about it. The moment for me when everything changed. 

The moment I could hear that heartbeat. That tiny human heart beat growing inside me. 

I have known I was pregnant for a while. All the symptoms were there. I was aware of the logistics that will need dealt with in coming months. 

That heart beat suddenly made it so much more personal.That tiny person that will someday be held in my arms, someday giggle. That tiny person that has so much potential, was real.

I am not just here to hang out with my Dr. I was here because of another little human. 

My Dr just kept on chatting. She knows I have been through this before. She told me she was glad I had come back for this again. 

For that brief moment though, her chatter didn't matter. That beautiful sound was all that was there. A strong healthy heart ( moving to avoid detection) was all that mattered. 

The new member of our clan will probably be here close to November. We are all (except perhaps Ruby) looking forward to it. 

Another heartbeat in our family. 

Let's dance

We were asked to sing a song as a family at a cousin's baptism.However, the song was not specified. So finally tonight we sat down to discuss which song would be best to sing. There was lots of conversation like-
 "I want this song."
" No, not that song, I hate that song."
"I love this one."
"Too boring."

Phebe's contribution was-
"I know! We need to sing a song they can get up and dance to!"

Um. Thank you. That would be fun. Maybe we will save that for refreshments afterward.

In the end we resorted to everyone writing their top 2 ideas on a piece of paper and then we tallied it up.

The results were:

2 - I know that My Savior Loves Me. ( An amazing song if you have never heard it.)
1 - Listen
1- A Child's Prayer (My favorite childhood primary song.)
1 -"I'll Hunt the Lions later while I'm with Ruth"
3 -When I am Baptized

Ethan helped Phebe fill out her vote. It read " When I am baptized (Ultimate Dance Remix.) "

I have the best husband ever.

Summer Throw Back

At one point this summer we went to Niagara Falls. It was super fun. I forgot how huge it really is. My mom and I took the kids. If you ever have a chance to go, budget the money to do the Cave of the Wind Tour. They give you sandals,  and a poncho ( that may or may not keep you dry.) and then they take you on a 17 story elevator to the bottom of the Bridal Veil Fall. It was so fun. We stood in line for along time. It was hot. The kids complained. But when we were leaving every kid informed me "That was so awesome!" and "That was definitely worth the wait in line!"

Yes, I am still not going to share pictures of my children, but I will share some other pictures and videos from the adventure.

 By the way, there is no cave involved.

 This leads up to the Hurricane Deck. That is where water just pours down on a platform. The kids LOVED it. As long as you didn't over analyze about your children slipping sideways and then falling between the railing to their utter doom, it was super awesome. Not that I would imagine horrible things and occasionally get really worried.

 It was incredibly fun. I highly recommend this adventure.

This is on the island between the Bridal Veil Falls and American Falls. No, those are not my children you see on either side.

It was a great trip. I intend to do it again.

As I search the holy scriptures...

We try to study scriptures as a family on a daily basis.

However, in case you have some idealized picture of what happens at my house, let me share with you a glimpse of scriptures with 5 children ranging in age from 1-10 years old.

Caleb opens a set of scriptures I used in high school. There are pieces of paper with additional quotes from prophets and such that are glued in between certain pages.There are also stickers that are put in to mark special passages. He removes a sticker from the page and drops it on the floor. Ruby quickly assaults his chair. She climbs up and promptly tears one glued in page out.

Ruby then acts like a cat playing with a mouse, only the mouse is a LEGO man that Victor is upset she found. She throws it in the air and squeals. We try to just read around her nonsense.Though Naomi is now trying to get out of reading a verse because it is too long. LEGO man hits the floor. I look in that direction of the LEGO drop and realize Phebe is chewing what appears to be gum. I tell her to spit it out since it couldn't possibly be gum.- It was the piece of paper Ruby had torn out. Guess I won't be replacing that.

At one point Ruby is in Phebe's chair trying desperately to play/rip out all of Phebe's hair.

Yes, we have scripture study. Some days are good. Some days ... um... we keep trying.

Some more love

I may have shared this particular talk with you before. This afternoon I listened to it again. I think it is worth the reminder.

"Brothers and sisters, some of our greatest opportunities to demonstrate our love will be within the walls of our own homes. Love should be the very heart of family life, and yet sometimes it is not. There can be too much impatience, too much arguing, too many fights, too many tears. Lamented President Gordon B. Hinckley: “Why is it that the [ones] we love [most] become so frequently the targets of our harsh words? Why is it that [we] sometimes speak as if with daggers that cut to the quick?”⁹ The answers to these questions may be different for each of us, and yet the bottom line is that the reasons do not matter. If we would keep the commandment to love one another, we must treat each other with kindness and respect."

You can watch the video below .You can find the text here.

My Gift

It is Christmas and I have a gift for you.

It isn't a big gift, though it has taken me a while to accumulate all of it.

My gift is my testimony.

I share it with you because I know that my life is better because of my testimony and I want your life to be as wonderful as possible.

 I know that Jesus Christ was born here on Earth. I know that he lived, setting an example we should follow. An example of love and kindness, an example of of compassion and humility. He set an example of accepting the Father's will. I know that He went through with the atonement because He loved us. Me, you, everyone around us, everyone that has been, everyone that will be, He suffered and died just to help us.

I know that because of Him my sins can be forgiven. I can repent of  those ridiculous sins that I commit over and over, or the sins that come through just blatant disdain. Forgiveness is possible. Possible for me. Possible for you.

I know that because He was resurrected I too will be. And that all of us will. That these bodies that house our immortal spirits will be perfected. That illness and pain will cease. I know that God loves us enough to put us where we will be most comfortable in the life to come. Be that in His presence, or elsewhere. Because He loves us.

That love is what this life is all about. We lived before we came here. Our glorious Father in Heaven created an entire world and bodies for each of us so that we could come down and experience mortality. That through those experiences we could learn and be more like Him. He has given us this life to grow. Those trials and hardships, or mild inconveniences, help us to see with a more eternal perspective- if we allow it.

I know that in 1820 Joseph Smith Jr had a question about his faith and sought an answer in prayer. I know that  he received an answer. I know, because I have prayed for myself, that he really did see Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I know that because of that prayer the fullness of Christ's gospel has been restored.

I know that restoration of Christ's church includes a living prophet. I am so grateful for the prophets of old who have left their teachings in the scriptures. I am also grateful for a modern prophet, currently Thomas S. Monson. I accept his teachings as additional teachings from God. General Conference is one of my favorite times of year thanks to the blessing of a living prophet. I can listen to his teachings. I am blessed and inspired when I live by them. He teaches love and I feel that sincere love that radiates from him. I know that he is called of God.

I know that restoration of priesthood authority is real. I know that because of the priesthood I was able to go to the temple and be sealed to my best friend. That because of that ceremony, if I live up to my end of the promise, that I can have my husband and children, my family back after death. I know that someday I will see my father and my baby sister, whom I had never known. I know that their existence has not ended. Nor have any of your loved ones ceased to be. I believe in eternal families, not just mine, but that yours can be too. Make those bonds strong, they matter not just here but in the world to come. I can also testify of the sweet comfort that can come through a priesthood blessing. I am grateful that any worthy man can carry this authority and bless his sphere of influence.

I testify of the power of prayer. I know with all my heart that my Father in Heaven hears me when I call on Him. That He is aware of me and my needs. That He knows exactly what is best for me and seeks to bless me. I know that he has answered the most trivial musings or soul searching prayers I have ever uttered aloud or in my heart. Has he given me what I always think I want? Of course not! Do I give my own children exactly what they think they want every time? No, because I have a greater understanding of what they need then they do. My Heavenly Father knows what I really need and when I really need it. He provides tender mercies along my way that serve as a reminder that he loves me and knows what I need. Sometimes it is the right lyrics in a song, or the perfect comment someone makes .The store that gave out popcorn when my hungry little boy had just asked for popcorn. He reminds me of His love and compassion frequently in small and personal ways. He does this because He knows who I am, where I am, what I need..If you stop to look, and open your heart with gratitude you will see that He does this for you too.

I know that studying the scriptures brings real blessings. I can testify of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. I have studied it, I have prayed about it. I continue to gain insights from it. If you have never read it, please do. If you don't have a copy, find a missionary or to go Mormon.org. Make friends with a Latterday Saint and ask them for a copy, I personally will send you a copy.  Read this book. It will change your life for the good. For more than a decade I have studied the scriptures (Book or Mormon and Bible both) on a daily basis. Within the last year I have tried to give it more center part in my day. I have worked to make sure that I really used that as a time to learn and commune with God. With 5 children running around it hasn't always been easy. But by trying to remember to seek for things of eternal worth before things of this world, my world has changed. I can testify that there has been a positive change in my life.Putting God first makes life so much more wonderful.

I know that the Holy Ghost is real. And with that knowledge comes gratitude. I don't even want to imagine how much harder life would be if I did not have the influence, the comfort, the peace that He is able to bless me with. I am not perfect or even very good at hearing and heeding those promptings. But I continue to try. I pray that someday I will be good at it. That I will be able to see with spiritual eyes and be a blessing to those around me.

I testify of tithing. I have seen miracle after miracle that has come from tithing. I want to clear something up. God does not need your money. The Creator of this planet, of this universe has no NEED of your tiny offering. He has given us this law so we can chose to receive blessings. My family has received these blessings. There is no possible way that we could get along without tithing. Fortunately we don't have to. Tithing blesses my life and those around me. I am so grateful for it.

I know that there are angels around us. I never saw them quite as clearly before I had children. Now that I am a mom I can testify without a shadow of a doubt that there are angels on this Earth to help us. I know that miracles can happen. I know that frequently you can see and touch and talk to because they are the friends, neighbors, family and strangers around us.

I hope you know that I am always open to discussing faith with you. If you have a question please just ask.

This is my testimony. I know my Savior lives. He did die, but he lives again. He lives that you and I may live again. I have shared this testimony with you because I also love you. I pray that some small part may touch your heart and help you feel the love that God in Heaven has for you.

This is my gift to you. Merry Christmas.

Why?

Imagine working in the kitchen, sorting laundry, etc. The children are "happily playing" in the other room. Then you hear the thud and the crying, sometimes followed by accusations and possible tattling. 

Then repeat. 

This scene happens some days way more times then I would like. 

The other day while making dinner this scene played again, and again. 

Each time growing more annoyed at how hard it seems to be to play together. I didn't say build the great pyramids, I said play! Why is this so hard?

I asked myself " Why is it so hard to just be nice to each other? Why do you have to keep hurting your brother or sister?"

And then a thought came to mind "I bet Heavenly Father feels that way too. Why is it so hard to be nice to each other? Why do you have to keep hurting each other?"

I am not sure why it is so hard to be nice, but it sure is sometimes. But that doesn't mean I always need to go with easy.

Efficient

I should use my time wisely.

That is true. I absolutely need to use my time wisely. Do I always? Um. No. Try to? Most of the time.

I feel like becoming a mother has helped me become more efficient. Got 5 minutes? Quick, wash the dishes. I can get some jobs done so much faster then I could previously. I really think some of motherhood is learning to use time efficiently.

Conversely, I also realized that being a mom is learning to embrace the inefficient sometimes.  When your child wants to help make cookies or wash dishes, it certainly won't get done faster.

Yesterday I think it took a record long time to bag groceries. But why rush when the 14 month old is having a fantastic time figuring out how to get each item into a bag? Efficient? Nope. Not at all. Worth while? Yup. Absolutely.

My story

I am ready to share what is going on with my lotions now. 

I have sensitive skin. I am prone to eczema and extremely dry skin. Commercial lotions leave my hands smelly, which then triggers me to sneeze. In addition they don't seem to actually heal much. I didn't want to be using steroids consistently. The price tags on more natural lotions were so much more then I was ready to pay. So in an effort to heal I turned to the internet for homemade options. One that did not contain all the ingredients I couldn't pronounce.

When you try to make lotions one of the most common ingredients is beeswax. Well I didn't have any beeswax. However, my husband did know someone that did. This very generous soul provided me with some wax. 

So a cool lady I know organizes a craft show and she invited me, probably as a customer, but I started thinking "maybe I could sell this stuff. It is pretty awesome."  

I will make a separate post for all the process of putting the product together. Here are my completed products for the craft show.

So here are the pictures of my display at the show.

 I apologize for the poor picture quality. 

 Here are the sugar scrubs.

 The Body Butter.

 Thank you Meggan Britton for the naming help. 

Yes, I know this sign isn't that awesome. I will be working on it for the next show.

 Spa salts, bath salts, whatever you want to call them. 

It appears I forgot to take a picture of the lip balm. 

So at the show I didn't do as well as I had hoped but not as bad as I had feared. I met a lot of great people.I am really glad that I went. One particular person I met was very enthusiastic about my body butter. She chatted for a bit and I thought she was talking about the honey I was selling on behalf of someone else when she said something about "consider selling it in a store."

 I said "I am sure he would love to sell it in a store."

"Well, what about you? Would you ever consider selling your things in a store?"

Me? Yes, take my bottles right now. I will pack it up for you. 

So we traded information and I emailed her later. She and another woman were opening a store in a town about 20 minutes from here. They sell gourmet jams and jellies and were looking for additional merchandise. The focus of their store if local handmade crafts.

So this week I went to meet with them.I had previously only met one member of the partnership.So as far as I knew we were just discussing further if they actually wanted to sell my stuff there. I took a box of salts, body butters, and lip balms. 

They bought it all. 

All.

There is a store near me that is selling my stuff. Stuff I have worked on is being sold in a store. How cool is that? I am so honored they found my project worthy of their store. 

Now I am working on getting ready for the next show. Here is a picture of the business cards I just ordered. 

 So exciting!

And just think, if I hadn't had a skin problem, this never would have happened. Sometimes our challenges really do turn out to be something to be grateful for.

Take it easy

I think we all are familiar with, or are, those people who become extremely opinionated online. Yes, we have opinions in our personal lives too, but it is so much easier to spew them passionately from the anonymity of our computer. I have read many things and seen example after example of people saying truly terrible things online.

We have all heard or known people who have died or been hurt because of poor judgement moments. How easy it is to cast stones. 

Shouldn't have been driving so fast.

Everybody knows drugs are bad for you.

Well that is what you get for drinking so much.

Serves them right playing with fire.

How utterly irresponsible they were for .....

Yea, you might be right. Sometimes those really are the natural consequences of an action. Someday you may look at your kid walking down a bad path and say "I knew a person who did_________ and this is what happened to them."

Learning is an important part of growing.

Condemning is not.

When I read a news story of someone who died, possibly doing something a bit reckless, there are always lots of comments about what an idiot that person was. I admit, I have had thoughts along those lines. However as I have pondered those replies what comes to my mind is this-

The person you are condemning is dead. Maybe that is why you feel so comfortable beating on them, I don't know. However the only one left to read your opinion of what happened is their mourning loved ones. How painful must it be to know that your loved one died in a way that could have been avoided? How much worse to have a group of strangers continue to bad mouth your loved one once they are gone? It isn't as if the dead is now going to live differently now that you have voiced your opinion on their decision. 

Life is hard sometimes. We all have loved ones who make choices contrary to what we view as best. Why must we make it harder on one another by being so unkind? 

Express your condolences for their loss,  learn the lesson from it if you need, and then move on your way. Mean comments do not make you a better person. 

Happy

Here are a few things that are adding to my happiness this morning-

I am not a garbage man, sewage person, cart return lady or anything that requires extended periods of time in the cold. I am SO grateful for that. 

I am capable of reading. I am not talking just about books here. How terrifying would it be to go someplace new and be unable to read signs or directions?

I have gotten to Skype with my brother serving in the Air Force who is stationed in Alaska. Plus I surprised my mom with that Skype last night. Let's just say she was thrilled having never experienced Skyping before.

Moments when I have the skill or resource needed to help someone. 

This is trivial, I know, but it brings me joy. I started a new journal. Officially filled up the last one and now I get to start again. I love that. 

Life is good. My life is good.